Mike McClement (Think Confidence)

People who come on my Confidence Building courses have already decided that they lack confidence. The more they think about it, the more they convince themselves that they have a problem with self-confidence. Their perception tends to be that they look, sound, act and generally come across as people who lack confidence and assertiveness.

It’s not until they participate in some of the exercises we do that they realise that peoples’ perception of them is not necessarily the same as the perception they have of themselves. Pretty well without exception, people find that they come across better to others than they think they do.  This in itself can be a massive confidence boost. Yes, there are aspects of their body language for example that they can improve (we identify these) but in general terms people are surprised to hear that things aren’t as bad as they thought they were. It’s their mind that has got the better of them.

The more you tell yourself you lack confidence, the worse it will become. The only way to get out of this downward spiral is to get some feedback from others. That means having the courage to take a step into the unknown.  Visit www.thinkconfidence.com and read about the courses on offer.

Mike

Just a reminder that my book Brilliant Confidence is due for release by Pearson Education on 15th September.  It can be ordered already through Amazon or by going to the Think Confidence website – www.thinkconfidence.com - I’d be delighted to answer any questions or give advice through my blog. Feel free to contact me by replying here …..

Mike McClement

I’ve just got back from a family adventure holiday abroad. It was a wild (literally) experience. We built a log raft and drifted alone with no outside contact  as a family (parents and 3 children aged 9, 11 & 12) 50 miles down the river Klaralven in central Sweden. It took us 4 days, camping on the way, and we had to fend completely for ourselves. It rained for 90% of the time and turned into a real life survival experience. It was fantastic!

SO WHAT? - I wouldn’t be surprised if you’re not that interested in the fact that we did this, after all, most of you have probably never met me. HOWEVER – it is worth mulling over this. I find that confident people set themselves a challenge every now and then. If you’re not challenged at times, you’ll feel no sense of achievement. With no sense of achievement, your self-belief and self-confidence is starved of fuel.

By the way – I’m not suggesting you should get yourself on an adventure holiday asap. Any challenge will do, as long as you feel it is exactly that - a challenge. It helps to manage your expectations; start with small challenges and take one step at a time. Good Luck!

Where do you fall – ’serial worrier’ or ‘laidback verging on the horizontal’? 

The truth is … we all worry on occasions, it’s only natural. However, some people seem to be able to control there worries; they don’t let them interfere with their lives to any great extent. It’s true that some people are more ‘easygoing’ than others but even they worry on occasions. Unfortunately, if you’re a ‘natural worrier’, you’ll have to work harder on this than they might.

Controlling the affect that worrying has on your mental attitude is a vital component of maintaining a positive mindset. In fact, it’s a vital component of being confident too. Worrying can bring with it feelings of insecurity and self-doubt. People see this and form an impression of you. This is never good and sows a seed of doubt about you in their mind. 

Natural worriers always have to have something to worry about. If there’s nothing major to worry about in their life at the time, they’ll worry about something small. The simple way to control this is to have the self-discipline to keep your worries in proportion. 

The next time you find yourself worrying about something insignificant, ask yourself – is it really that bad? What else could happen in your life that really would be worthy of worry?

I don’t know about you but every now and then my Gremlin tries to get me. The gremlin is behind that tempting feeling you get every time you either feel lazy, you procrastinate or you half-do something.  Your gremlin has won when it stops you doing something you know you should do. Your gremlin will be having a field day when this happens.

Your gremlin is to blame for trying to pull you back during those situations when you know you should actually be putting your view across confidently. Your gremlin will be trying to get in your way when a job comes up at work that you know you should do but don’t feel comfortable doing. Your gremlin will be trying to hold you back when an opportunity arises that you haven’t quite got the confidence to seize. 

This gremlin can massively affect the way you come across to people. If you let it get the better of you, you’ll be seen as a person who is at best unhelpful and at worst lazy and not worth having in the team. The knock-on affect of this on your self-confidence could be catastrophic.  

Remember; your gremlin is not your friend and nice to have by your side to help you stay out of the limelight, or to make you feel better if you feel lazy. The gremlin is your enemy.

You will know the next time your gremlin tries to get you. Be aware it’s happening and overcome it. It could be today, tomorrow or the next day. It could be at work or at home. Wherever and whenever it happens, don’t let the gremlin get you.  

SORRY for the lecture. It’s just that my Gremlin tried to get me this morning ….

Off to see my children in the school play at our Primary School this afternoon …. so what? Well – I remember the last time I went it made me think. I found myself reflecting back on how I approached life as a child. 

Have you ever wondered why most young children have a natural instinct to learn? They seem to have an in-built curiosity about things they see and hear around them. In most cases, they’re prepared to ‘have a go’ and try something out in order to satisfy this instinct. It’s true that some children are naturally shy, but normally, even they will eventually take a step forward and try something that interests them. Young children seem to have a natural self-belief and determination that drives a dynamo inside them.

So what’s changed between then and now! Why does this dynamo that used to drive us seem to slow down as we get older? In some of us it actually crusts up and gets jammed as time moves on and we mature.

To start to feel and act more confidently, you need to get it working again. Try to free up your dynamo by remembering back to how you approached life when you were a child.

It works.

Decided to cycle to Moretonhampstead this morning to pick up my car from the garage. 2 hours very well spent. Great use of time. Required a bit of effort getting up earlier than normal but well worth it. Beautiful morning on Dartmoor. Feel invigorated. Started work at normal time. Keep relatively fit if you can …. it makes a big difference. You might not think it, but it also helps you to feel more confident!

I met someone yesterday who I would describe to be incredibly confident. I always find this interesting … I always end up asking myself why? … Why would I describe this person as confident? She wasn’t particularly good looking, she wasn’t famous, she was just a normal person – but she had something about her. She seemed to be able to deal confidently with questions she wasn’t expecting.  

Watching her carefully, the penny started to drop. When asked a question, she never jumped in or said something without thinking about it (even when it appeared that she knew the answer straight away). She seemed to have the self-discipline to create time for herself before she spoke. As a result, whenever she said something, she’d thought about it beforehand; not for hours, just for a few seconds. She seemed happy with that silence, you might even say she used the silence.

Confident people have the self-control to think about what they’re going to say before they say it. There’s pretty well always some time available to do this. Confident people create it and use it effectively.

It reminded me of one of the myths I expel in the book Brilliant Confidence (to be published in August – go to https://www.think-confidence.com/books.html) - Confident people don’t have an in-built natural ability to deal with situations off the cuff. They think and prepare before they act. If time doesn’t appear to be available, the make it available. They control the situation, they don’t let the situation control them.

It’s true that some people are naturally more talented at some things than others. For example, it’s a fact that some people are naturally more gifted at sport than other people. It’s also a fact that some people are gifted with high intelligence or perhaps the ability to sing well. So, there are indeed natural talents that we are born with. However, it doesn’t automatically follow that you’re going to be a naturally confident person.  

The key is to be satisfied in your own abilities and to know that you are giving your best. The way to make this work is to accept that what’s important is what you think, not what others think about you.

I lost count a long time ago of the number of people who ask me the question ‘surely you’re born with self-confidence?’ They’re convinced that some people are just lucky because they’re ‘born’ confident. This just isn’t true. The first thing to accept about confidence is that at birth we are all born on a level playing field. We all start together at the same point on the path to self-confidence. If you continue to think you’re at a disadvantage to confident people because you weren’t born confident, then the playing field that used to be level will turn into a steeper and steeper upward climb. 

It’s important to come to terms with this and believe it. Confident people aren’t born confident. Confidence is an attitude that develops. Some people accept it but don’t really believe it. If you don’t believe it, it will become a convenient excuse. It then becomes a heavy burden that hinders you whenever you find yourself outside your comfort zone.

Now think of confidence as a skill that relates to your attitude and your state of mind. It isn’t something concrete or something of substance that you can touch or put your finger on, but it is tangible. Controlling your state of mind, thinking positively and feeling that you can change for the better is one of the first steps on the road to increased self-confidence. Find out more – http://www.think-confidence.com/